


Fuck It, It's Christmas

by Whiskey_With_Patron



Series: Who You Gonna Call? [2]
Category: Hollywood Undead (Band)
Genre: Ghost Hunter AU, Sort of a Crack Fic, and there are ghost cats, it's very stupid, they also temporarily adopt a couple of lesbians, they cause chaos in a walmart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21944296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whiskey_With_Patron/pseuds/Whiskey_With_Patron
Summary: The five best ghost hunters in Los Angeles decide to take a short vacation to Las Vegas for Christmas, just to get away from the hectic chaos that is their job. Danny has a special gift in mind that he still has to buy for Jorel, and he plans on buying it in Vegas just before Christmas. However, his plans are interrupted when he, Jordon, and Dylan end up chasing down a ghost in a Wal-Mart.All he hopes is that nothing catches on fire this time.
Series: Who You Gonna Call? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580065
Comments: 12
Kudos: 25





	1. A Song In The Key Of Spanish Screamo Rap

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to another dumpster fire! i didn't really know what to call this shitty fic, so i just went with the placeholder name i had for it in my files. there are going to be about three more chapters, but it's still in progress, so idk when i'm going to post the next chapter.

George pushed the door open, hefting three duffel bags and two suitcases in his arms. The other guys had no idea how he managed to carry that much, but they weren’t complaining. “Do we have everything?” George called to the others.

Dylan nodded from where he laid upside-down on the couch with a blunt in his mouth. “We all good, esé,” he said. A plume of smoke blew from his mouth as he spoke.

“Where’s the dumbass?” George asked.

“God dammit Jordon, get dressed!” Danny’s voice shouted from upstairs, answering George’s question.

George sighed and left the house with the luggage. Footsteps pounded on the stairs, and Jordon Terrell launched off the steps and jumped onto the couch, landing directly on Dylan. Dylan’s breath left him in a sharp wheeze as Jordon scrambled off him and toppled over the side of the couch.

Danny jogged down the steps, a pair of jeans and a t-shirt draped over one arm. His pastel pink hair was tousled as if a friendly hamster had nested in it.

“Jordon,” Danny said firmly. “For the love of god, just get dressed.”

Jordon popped up behind his hiding place. His snapback was crooked on his head, as were his sunglasses, and his pyjamas were rumpled. He pointed to Dylan, who had gone right back to smoking his blunt. “He gets to parade around in pyjamas all the time! Why can’t I?”

Danny sighed. “He’s not wearing them now. Besides, he’s gonna be smoking in the car no matter how many times we tell him not to, and if we get pulled over, I want us to look slightly less like crackheads than usual.”

Jordon huddled on the cushions next to Dylan. He hissed at Danny like a cat, and Danny heaved another great sigh. He walked over to the couch. Jordon skittered away and disappeared into the kitchen, followed by an exasperated Danny.

The door opened and George entered the house again. He heard the sounds of scuffling in the kitchen and knew that Danny hadn’t yet succeeded in his mission to make Jordon get dressed. “You need help?” he called.

Danny’s face appeared in the doorway for a brief moment. “Go wake up My Chemical Romance!” he shouted before resuming his wrestling match with Jordon. He yelped. “Hey, don’t bite me!”

George turned to the steps and jogged upstairs to get their resident emo. Dylan blew a cloud of smoke into the air and waited to see whether Jorel or Jordon would be ready to leave first.

Something tumbled down the stairs behind the couch, and Dylan sat up to see Jorel sprawled at the bottom. He must have slept in his clothes from the day before, because he was fully dressed in a crinkled pair of jeans and a rumpled t-shirt.

 _“Estas bien?”_ Dylan called.

Jorel groaned in response. A black hoodie sailed through the air from the top of the stairs and landed on Jorel’s head, followed by a pair of converse shoes.

Dylan lay back down and took another hit from his blunt. He was glad the five of them were getting out of house for the holidays. They already spent so much time together, since they were in a band and worked together as ghost hunters on the side. Of course, they would be squished in the car for a few hours today, but they were leaving on a short holiday. Hopefully, they would be able to relax a bit over the next couple days when they were in... wait, where were they going again?

Jordon tumbled out of the kitchen and tripped over Jorel, falling flat on his face. Danny must have managed to get him dressed— or, at least half dressed. He still had his pyjama shirt on, but he was wearing his jeans.

Danny left the kitchen. A red bite mark circled his hand, but he didn’t seem to care. He looked down at Jorel and Jordon. “George, did you throw him down the stairs?”

“He fell!” George shouted. “Wasn’t my fault!”

Danny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Is everyone ready? Did we forget anything?”

George trotted down the stairs and bent down to pick up Jordon. “If we forget anything, we’ll buy it in Nevada.” Jordon squirmed in George’s arms, but George just tossed the struggling maniac over his shoulder and carried him out the door.

Danny looked from the door to Jorel. “I’m gonna need more Tylenol,” he whispered. He turned around and went back to the kitchen. “Dylan, could you be a dear and get Jorel in the car please?”

Dylan stood up. “Sure thing, homie.”

Danny shut the car door as George started the engine. Headaches were common for him, having to take care of three unruly adult children and a barely responsible grownup, but after taking some meds, he felt much better. Now he was almost optimistic about their trip.

He glanced behind him at Jorel, Jordon, and Dylan. Dylan was finishing off his blunt, and Danny was proud of the fact that he’d at least put on sweatpants instead of staying in pyjamas. It was a pleasant surprise. Danny hoped that meant he would be more well-behaved over the next couple days than he usually was. However, Dylan was also wearing his poncho, and that usually meant that he wasn’t wearing a shirt under it or was trying to smuggle something into the car that he didn’t want the others to see. Neither option was favourable.

As for Jordon, he was still pouting. He crossed his arms and slumped against the seat. Danny knew his bad mood wouldn’t last, especially once they started blasting music. They would probably move Jordon to the front seat when that happened so Jorel wouldn’t end up murdering him.

Jorel had simply plugged his earbuds into his ears and fixed his gaze on the window, like he was pretending he was in a dramatic music video. He would be fine until Jordon and Dylan started pestering him.

Danny turned back to the front as George backed out of the driveway. He was determined to make this a good holiday trip. It was supposed to be a five hour drive to Las Vegas, where they’d stay in a hotel and have fun in the city for the next two days before returning home. He desperately hoped that the three idiots in the back would be too tired after their holiday to cause trouble, and the drive home would be nice and peaceful.

For now, however, he had to look forward to spending five hours in a confined space with a stoner, a grumpy lunatic, an emo dumbass, and a driver with road rage problems.

He reached into his pocket and clenched the bottle of Tylenol he’d taken with him. He had a feeling the bottle would be near empty by the time the drive was over.

The first hour was hectic, to say the least.

Just as Danny predicted, Jordon couldn’t stay mad. Five minutes into the trip, he was slouched so far down in his seat that his seatbelt covered half his face. He had one foot up on George’s seat and the other on Danny’s, and he tapped his shoes against the headrests to a beat only he could hear. They usually avoided playing music in the car, but once Jordon got restless enough, they would have to resort to the musical talents of Johnny Cash to give him something to focus on. For now, he was fine, but Danny knew it was just the calm before the storm.

Dylan had cracked the window open so he could smoke without getting the others high. Normally, they wouldn’t complain about hotboxing with Dylan, but since one of them was driving and they still had a few hours left to go, his high brain seemed to understand that getting the others high wasn’t a good idea. 

Jorel hadn’t torn his gaze away from the window, but Jordon’s leg slipped off Danny’s seat and landed on Jorel. Jorel pushed it off, grumbling under his breath, but Jordon seemed to think that Jorel was a much better footrest than Danny’s chair. He twisted around in his seat so both of his legs were on Jorel’s lap.

Jorel shoved Jordon off him. “Dude, stop!”

“But you’re comfy!” Jordon whined. He leaned back and rested his head on Dylan’s lap, his seatbelt stretching to great lengths to accommodate his new sitting position. Dylan’s free hand automatically moved to Jordon’s head to run his fingers though his hair. He blew a plume of smoke out the window, seemingly unaware of the fight that was about to begin.

Jordon swung his legs back onto Jorel’s lap. He aimed too high, however, and accidentally kicked Jorel in the face. Jorel swatted his legs away. “Danny!” he shouted, in the same manner that a child would yell “mom” if they were mad at their sibling. “Make him stop!”

“Jordon, sit properly,” Danny called out half-heartedly. He was mostly focused on his phone, using Google Maps so they would know where they’re going.

George glared out the windshield at a car as another vehicle cut him off. “Seriously? Zipper merge, you dumb bitch!” He grumbled under his breath as he turned the wheel.

Danny glanced up at the road. “You’re going the wrong way.”

“No I’m not!” George protested.

Danny held up his phone. “Yeah, you are.”

George clenched his teeth and ignored Danny. Danny rolled his eyes at George’s stubbornness and turned back to his phone.

Dylan stuck his head out of the window. “Whoa! Homies, look at the ghosts! Was there a car crash here or somethin’?”

“You can’t see ghosts when you’re high, Dyl,” Danny said. “We’ve gone over this.”

He leaned further out the window, his poncho flapping in the wind. “You just ain’t vibin’ on my level, Danno.”

Jordon kicked his legs in the air. “I’m on another level,” he mumbled. “A level you can’t pass. I’m on some other shit.”

George sighed as Jordon muttered the song in the backseat. “You have the Johnny Cash playlist ready?”

Danny nodded. “Had it open for the past half hour.”

Jorel smacked Jordon’s shoe out of his face. Jordon kicked him in the chest, and Jorel tried to smack Jordon upside the head. Jordon deflected the blow, and the two struggled in the backseat, Jorel trying to simultaneously push Jordon off him and strangle him while Jordon swatted Jorel’s hands away and shouted at Dylan in alarmed Spanish. Dylan didn’t seem to hear him. His head was still out the window.

The second hour was worse.

They’d pulled over on the highway to let Jordon take the front seat and get away from Jorel. Danny had left his phone in the front seat so they could blast Johnny Cash from the speakers and give Jordon something to focus on. He sang along at the top of his lungs, and while he had a good singing voice, hearing it for a full hour got quite annoying.

Jorel had plugged his headphones in again, but he could obviously hear Jordon through his own music, because he kept sighing and glaring at the seat in front of him. George’s road rage had doubled, and the sound of him swearing at the oblivious drivers mingled with Jordon’s singing and Johnny Cash’s music, creating an awful cacophony of voices that gave Danny a migraine.

Dylan nudged Danny with his elbow. “You good, esé?”

Danny took a deep breath. “More or less.”

Dylan shrugged and slouched in his seat. He’d finished off his blunt not long after they left the city, but he still seemed higher than a kite.

Jorel scowled and kicked the back of Jordon’s seat. “Can you be fucking quiet for once?”

In response, Jordon twisted in his seat and threw a full water bottle at Jorel. The cap wasn’t screwed on completely, and water exploded all over him. Danny flinched as liquid splattered on him, too.

Jorel’s mouth fell open in an O of surprise. “You motherfucker!” he shrieked.

Danny wiped some water off his face with his sleeve. “Jordon, don’t throw things in the car! It can distract the driver!”

Jordon kicked his feet up on the dashboard. “You guys are no fun.”

Dylan grabbed the water bottle and chugged the little bit of water that was left. He tossed the empty bottle in the front, despite Danny’s warning. “Hey, can we stop for food soon? I got the munchies.”

“We’ll stop when we need gas!” George shouted. He honked his horn at the road. “Move the fuck over, you bitch-ass motherfucking piece of garbage! You’re too fucking slow!”

Danny pinched the bridge of his nose. “Three more hours,” he whispered to himself. “Just three more hours.”

Danny was getting fed up by the third hour.

They stopped at a gas station to fill up the car. Dylan went into the store with Jordon so they could get snacks and Jorel went inside so he could go to the bathroom. Danny followed them so he could make sure they didn’t cause too much chaos.

Ten minutes later, the five of them were back in the car. Danny had taken the front seat again, just so he didn’t have to deal with Jordon and Jorel’s fighting. Dylan had moved to the seat in the middle so he could separate the two if need be, but he would more than likely end up eating from his bag of Cheetos as he watched Jorel reach across him to strangle Jordon. Of course, he would try to defend Jordon a little, since the two were best friends, but the whole fiasco would probably be more entertaining than concerning for the poncho-clad stoner.

Danny covered his ears as George shouted at the road. “Johnny, maybe I should drive,” he offered.

“No, I got it!” George yelled. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel as he tried to refrain from screaming.

Danny glanced behind him at the backseat. Jordon had somehow turned himself around in his seat so he was completely upside-down. He tapped his feet against the ceiling of the vehicle and hummed along to the Johnny Cash still blasting from the speakers. Danny was starting to get sick of the music and was tempted to change it, but Johnny Cash was one of the only things that could keep Charles P. Scene manageable while cramped into a tight space.

Dylan shoveled a handful of Cheetos into his mouth. He mumbled something in Spanish through his mouthful of food, and Jordon nodded as if Dylan had just revealed the secrets of the universe.

“Wise words, Dilly,” he said.

Everyone was quiet for one wonderful, _blessed_ moment. The only sound was the voice of Johnny Cash in the speakers, and Danny turned the volume down a little to bask in the silence. He took a deep breath and leaned back in his seat.

The sound of scuffling in the backseat met his ears, and the blissful silence was shattered by a surprised yelp from Dylan. Danny looked back again to see Jorel leaning across Dylan, grabbing at the earbuds dangling from Jordon’s grip. Jordon held them out of his reach.

“Give me back my fucking headphones!” Jorel demanded.

“I just wanna know what you’re listening to!” Jordon whined.

“Slipknot!” Jorel answered. “Now give them back!”

Jordon put one of the earbuds in his ear. “What song?”

Jorel grumbled and tried to grab the headphones. Jordon swatted his hand away and listened to the music for a moment. He took the earbud from his ear and tossed it back over to Jorel. “I was just curious, man. Chill.”

Jorel shoved his headphones back in his ears. “Maybe you should keep your fuckin’ hands to yourself,” he said.

Charlie grinned and lowered his sunglasses. “That’s not a concept I understand,” he said with a flirty wink.

Dylan smirked. “Yeah, I know, esé.”

Jordon shifted in his seat until his head was resting on Dylan’s lap. “I’d smack your ass, but you’re sitting on it.”

“Can you two stop being gay for ten minutes?” Jorel grumbled.

“It’s not gay if you say no homo,” Dylan pointed out.

Jordon looked up at Dylan. “No homo, but can I suck your dick when we get to the hotel?”

Dylan nodded. “No homo.”

Now that they had said the magic words, they would consider anything they did completely straight and platonic. Danny rolled his eyes. He didn’t mind if the two of them were together, but saying “no homo” didn’t automatically make something straight.

Jorel seemed to share his sentiment, because he sighed and shoved his headphones back in his ears.

The fourth hour was the loudest.

George leaned on the horn, and Danny covered his ears as a string of profanity left his mouth. He’d taken another Tylenol to help with his ever-growing headache, but it didn’t do much good. Jordon had crawled over the seats to turn up the volume on the music, and after hearing “Ring Of Fire” cycling through the playlist for the ninth time, Danny felt like his brain cells were bleeding out his ears. All he could do was listen to Jordon rapping along to Johnny Cash. Normally, Danny was okay with Jordon rapping, but with Johnny Cash songs? No thank you.

Dylan had burned through another joint and decided to join Jordon in his rapping. He kept replacing the lyrics with Spanish words and was trying to eat his Cheetos at the same time, so it came out as a barely comprehensible mess. Jorel, suddenly in a better mood having properly argued with Jordon, abandoned his own music and decided to add some metal screaming to the voice of Johnny Cash.

As the three of them created their own Spanish screamo rapping rendition of “A Boy Named Sue”, a steady stream of swearing leaked from George’s mouth. Danny clenched his teeth in frustration. At least the three lunatics in the back were getting along.

Fortunately, the fifth hour passed by relatively quickly.

George seemed to have released most of his road rage during the first four hours of the drive, because now it had ended up with him just grumbling under his breath and sighing in frustration every few minutes. He spat out a couple curses every now and then, but thankfully, he was mostly quiet.

Johnny Cash still played from the speakers, but Danny was numb to the sound at this point. Jordon had stopped singing along and resigned himself to sitting upside down in his seat and tapping his shoes against the window. Dylan had finished his Cheetos at this point, and now he and Jordon were conversing in mumbled Spanish.

Jorel had slouched further down in his seat and kicked his feet up onto the back of Danny’s headrest. He occasionally tapped his feet to the beat of whatever Johnny Cash song was playing, shaking the headrest. It was distracting, but nothing Danny couldn’t handle.

Eventually, Danny found himself wondering about what gifts the others had got him for Christmas. Danny usually looked forward to Dylan’s gifts the most, because he liked to give everyone homemade crafts. Last year, he’d made friendship bracelets for all five of them. Jordon and Dylan still wore theirs sometimes. It was fun to see what kinds of creative things their band baby could come up with.

Danny had bought gifts for all of them by now, except for Jorel. He had a specific gift in mind for him, but he didn’t want to get it until just before Christmas. It would be way too easy to spoil the surprise if he kept it with them.

More than anything, however, he hoped they didn’t run into any ghosts. They’d gone on holiday from ghost hunting and music making, and adding ghosts into the mix during this vacation could turn the group’s usual chaos into a near apocalypse.

He was interrupted in his thoughts when George burst out a string of cuss words. Danny sighed. He had a feeling this would be a long holiday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry crisis


	2. Ghost Hunting is Better than a Retail Job

Danny took a deep breath as the five of them unloaded their luggage. George had found a decent parking space, so luckily, they didn’t have to drag their bags too far.

Jordon reached for one of the brightly wrapped presents poking out of Danny’s duffel bag. Danny held the bag out of Jordon’s reach. “No. Not until tomorrow.”

Jordon made grabby hands at the bag like a kid asking for candy. “But I wanna see.”

“Sorry buddy.” Danny slung the bag over his shoulder and grabbed his suitcase. “Gotta wait.”

Jordon’s shoulders slumped. “Aww.”

He yelped when Dylan suddenly jumped on Jordon’s back. Jordon’s hands automatically grabbed Dylan’s legs to keep their poncho clad stoner from falling.

Dylan pointed towards the hotel. “Onward, noble steed!”

Jordon’s disappointment was immediately forgotten. He cackled like a madman as he ran towards the hotel door with Dylan on his back, leaving their bags behind at the car.

George picked up Dylan’s duffel bag and Jordon’s suitcase. With his own bags on his shoulder, he trudged across the parking lot after the two lunatics.

Jorel picked up his bag with one hand and shoved the other hand in his pocket. He followed after George, grumbling a little under his breath. Danny hoped that Jorel wouldn’t be grumpy for most of the trip. He didn’t think he could stand having to deal with that.

Danny grabbed his own bags and ran after his irresponsible grown children. He slipped through the door after Jorel just before it closed.

George stood at the front desk with Jordon and Dylan behind him. Danny brushed past Jorel and stopped at the desk. “We booked two rooms,” Danny said, desperately hoping that George had remembered to book two. Having all five of them in one hotel room would spell disaster for the whole trip.

To his relief, the receptionist held out two key cards to George and two more to Danny. “Here you are,” she said with a smile. “We hope you enjoy your stay. Would you like a cart for your bags?”

Danny smiled back. “No thank you, we’re fine.”

The five of them started towards the elevator. Their rooms were on the fifth floor, which immediately made Danny concerned. If Jordon decided it would be a good idea to jump out the window and have Dylan catch him, it wouldn’t end well. He hoped the two of them could tone down their antics for the trip.

The elevator dinged, and the doors opened. Luckily, it was empty, so they didn’t have to deal with any judgemental glances at the sight of a grown man in a poncho being carried on the back of another grown man in sunglasses.

Jordon tipped his head back so he could look at Dylan. “We’re sharing a room, homie. No buts.”

“No butts?” Dylan whined. “That’s no fun.”

Jordon grinned. “Maybe we can allow this butt.” He reached over and smacked George’s ass.

George didn’t even flinch. He shrugged and hefted the bags in his arms. “I’m down for whatever.”

Danny shook his head. “Nope. I’m not sharing a room with Jorel again.”

George’s eyes widened. “You’d rather stay in a room with the maniacs?”

Danny leaned in a little to whisper to George. “I’ll take them Christmas shopping later. I still need to get Jay’s gift, and I bet Jordon hasn’t gotten anyone anything yet. If you could keep Jay busy until we come back, that would be great.”

George nodded. “Okay. Good luck.”

Danny heaved a great sigh as the elevator doors opened. He wasn’t sure if he would be okay, spending a night in the same room as Jordon and Dylan, but he figured he could risk it. He didn’t have much of a choice, if he wanted to keep Jorel’s present a secret.

They left the elevator, and Jordon dashed into the hallway. Dylan held onto his shoulders, laughing like this was the most fun he’d had in ages. Danny trudged after them. He desperately hoped that the two of them had forgotten about Jordon’s promise to suck Dylan’s dick when they got to the hotel room.

Danny stopped in front of a door that Dylan and Jordon had run right past. “Guys, our room is here.”

Jordon skidded to a stop and whirled around, almost throwing Dylan off his back. “I knew that!” he shouted.

Danny unlocked the room and shoved both key cards into his pocket. He was going to give Dylan the other card, just in case he or Jordon needed to get into the room, but Dylan would probably lose it anyway. Danny could hang onto it until one of the maniacs needed it.

Dylan and Jordon burst into the room and jumped on the nearest bed. Danny set his bags on the ground, and he heard a soft thump behind him as George threw Jordon and Dylan’s bags into the room.

Danny shut the door. Dylan had produced a blunt out of nowhere and was now blazing through it, whereas Jordon had somehow wriggled his way into Dylan’s poncho. His head popped up through the head hole. Dylan rested his chin on the top of Jordon’s head as smoke curled from his lips.

Danny walked up to the two lunatics and took a deep breath before he began to speak. “Guys, I have an errand I need to run. I still need to get Jay’s Christmas present. I’m going to bring you two with me so George can distract Jorel.”

Jordon gasped in excitement. He squirmed out of Dylan’s poncho and tumbled off the bed. “Where are we going? Are we going to Wal-Mart? They have free samples!”

“Yeah, we are.” Danny bent down to help Jordon off the floor. “You haven’t bought any gifts for anyone yet, have you?”

Jordon blinked and stared at the wall. “Holy shit, I haven’t!” he burst. He grabbed Danny by the shoulders. “I have to get y’all some Christmas shit! You gotta take me to Wal-Mart!”

Danny gently pried Jordon’s hands off his shoulders. “It’s okay. We’ll go to Wal-Mart first, and then we’ll get Jay’s gift. We have plenty of time before tomorrow to get you presents for everyone.” He turned to Dylan. “Are you going to put on a shirt before we go?”

Dylan shrugged. “Nah. I’m good, homes.”

Danny sighed. “Okay. We’ll take a cab to the nearest Wal-Mart. And whatever you do, don’t go running after ghosts while we’re inside the store.”

They went running after ghosts while they were inside the store.

Before that, however, Danny had been hoping that this trip to Wal-Mart would be slightly less disastrous than past ones. They’d been banned from multiple Wal-Marts in Los Angeles for various reasons, and Danny wasn’t looking to continue that trend.

Danny grabbed a cart, and Jordon immediately hopped in. He didn’t bother trying to tell Jordon that people weren’t allowed to ride inside the carts, because Jordon would just insist on staying in the cart no matter what. Of course, that left no room for Dylan inside the cart, but Danny figured it was better to have Dylan running free instead of Jordon. Dylan was probably too high to cause much chaos anyway.

A few people gave the three confused looks as they walked into the store, but Danny was numb to those by now. Public confusion was just something that came with being friends with Charlie Scene and Funny Man.

Danny looked down at Jordon. “Where to first, buddy?”

Jordon stared out at the store in front of them. Dozens of bright blinking Christmas lights strewn about the shelves caught his attention, but he wasn’t there for those. He was supposed to be getting presents for everyone. What did they all like again? George liked books, Jorel liked music, Dylan—

Jordon gasped. “I can’t buy presents with you guys here! You’re gonna see what I get for you!”

Danny hadn’t thought about that. He sighed, trying to think of a way to get around this problem. “Umm... well, maybe you can tell me what you want to get for Dylan, and I can buy it while you two go looking for my present.” He didn’t want to leave the two of them alone in a Wal-Mart, but he couldn’t think of a better solution.

Dylan reached out and cupped Danny’s face. “Looks and brains,” he muttered. “How did we find someone so perfect?”

Danny smiled at the genuine compliment. It wasn’t exactly rare that their resident stoner would compliment the others, but it was still a treasure every time it happened. “Thanks, Dilly. You’re pretty amazing yourself.” He turned back to Jordon. “Okay, let’s go get George and Jorel’s presents.”

Jordon leaned halfway out of the cart and pointed into the store. “Onward!”

Danny began to push the cart. Dylan walked alongside him, swishing his poncho back and forth out of boredom. Danny and Jordon scanned the shelves and displays around the store, searching for anything George and Jorel might like.

They turned down an aisle and Jordon gasped. The aisle was void of people. He turned around to look at Danny. “Danny, run down the aisle!”

Danny hesitated. “Why?”

“Because I wanna go fast! We can’t even hit anyone here!” He batted his eyes. “Please?”

Danny knew Jordon wouldn’t shut up about it until Danny did as he asked, so he backed out of the aisle to get a running start. He started running, pushing the cart in front of him, picking up speed as they went down the aisle. He pushed off the ground and stood on the back of the cart, letting it coast through the empty aisle. A grin stretched across his face as they zipped past the shelves. As much as he felt the need to be the responsible one of the group, he enjoyed indulging in small fun things, like running a cart through a Wal-Mart.

Jordon reached out of the cart and snatched something from a case of books, knocking a few over in the process. They reached the end of the aisle, and Danny’s eyes widened when he saw another cart turning the corner and heading straight for them. He hopped off and skidded to a stop, just narrowly avoiding crashing into a little old lady with a cart full of cat food.

She looked up at the pair with a friendly smile. “Hello boys. Having fun?”

Danny smiled back. Old ladies were always so nice. “Yeah. Just doing some Christmas shopping.”

“Well, good luck!” the lady said. “I hope you find everything you need!” She steered her cart past the pair and made her way down the aisle.

Once she was gone, Danny leaned forward to look over Jordon’s shoulder. “Whatcha got there, bud?”

Jordon held up a book with a picture of a dragon on the cover. “You think Georgie will like this?”

Danny examined the book. It was pretty thick, and George liked to read. Besides, maybe he would like a fantasy novel. “Sure. Let’s get it.”

Jordon clutched the book tight to his chest as Danny continued pushing the cart. Unfortunately, in the little bit of chaos, he had forgotten the homie Funny Man. A big mistake.

Dylan wandered through the aisles, bouncing every few steps to match the beat of the Christmas songs playing in the store. He enjoyed Christmas, but the songs got old fast. He pitied the poor retail workers who had to put up with the same damn songs for hours on end. Now that he was listening, it sounded like the store was only playing old Justin Beiber songs, and it seemed to be on a loop of the same six shitty covers. Why was JB trying to rap in a remix of Little Drummer Boy? Who knows.

Dylan walked up to a shelf of Christmas decorations. He spotted a green elf hat and took it off the shelf to place it on his head. _Now_ he was festive enough for Christmas shopping.

He stared up at the shelves as he walked down the aisles. There wasn’t much to do in a Wal-Mart, but he was sure he could find some kind of havoc to wreak.

The breath left his lungs in a sharp burst when someone accidentally crashed into him with their cart. He stumbled back and looked up at the person who had hit him.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, young man!” an old lady with a cart full of cat food said. She put her hand on her chest as if she were about to have a heart attack, and the look in her eyes was both surprised and apologetic.

Dylan didn’t answer. He narrowed his eyes at the lady. Something about her gave him a bad vibe.

The lady didn’t seem to notice. She smiled at him and continued down the aisle, her cart of cat food in tow.

Dylan debated with himself for a moment, then followed her. She turned down another aisle and he peeked around the corner to see what she was doing.

She was gone.

His eyes widened and he stepped into the aisle. She only just got there. Where had she gone?

Meanwhile, Danny and Jordon were making their way through the store, searching for a gift for Jorel. Jordon scanned the shelves eagerly, his present for George clutched in his hands. He tapped his feet against the bottom of the cart along to the beat of the song playing in the store.

“What do you think Jay would like?” he asked Danny.

Danny shrugged. “He does like music stuff. Maybe headphones?”

Jordon let out an excited gasp. “Then he can stop using those shitty earbuds!” He pointed towards the electronics section. “Let’s go!”

Danny pushed the cart in the direction Jordon was pointing. He was relieved that Jordon was behaving better than usual. They didn’t need to start another anarchist riot in the toy department of a Wal-Mart.

They paused at a shelf full of headphones. Jordon leaned halfway out of the cart to examine each and every set of headphones on the shelf, lifting up his sunglasses as he did so. As Jordon looked, Danny let his mind wander. He found himself thinking about the present he had in mind for Jorel. Would Jorel even like the gift? No, of course he would. He’d been talking about wanting one for ages. But would he be responsible enough for one? Danny wasn’t sure. Jorel wasn’t exactly the most responsible adult in the world. In fact, he was only a little better than Jordon and Dylan.

Finally, Jordon reached out and snatched a box from the shelf. He knocked a couple other sets of headphones off the shelf in the process, but he didn’t seem to care. He just held the box up to Danny. “How about these?”

Danny glanced at the label on the shelf where the headphones had been. “Those are forty-seven dollars,” he pointed out.

Jordon hugged the headphones to his chest, along with the book he’d chosen for George. “I can afford them. I’m Charlie fuckin’ Scene. I got cash.”

Danny knelt down to pick up the headphones Jordon had knocked over. “Alright. Just don’t get me something that expensive. I don’t need it.”

He picked up the boxes of headphones and was about to place them back on the shelf, but he paused when he spotted something else on the ground. He furrowed his brow and stared at it. Was that a piece of cat food?

He put the headphones back and knelt down again to examine it. Now that he was closer, he saw that there was a trail of cat food pellets leading down the aisle.

Jordon leaned out of the cart, bracing his arms on the shelf as the cart tipped sideways. “What are we looking at?

Danny picked up a pellet of cat food and held it up. “Someone spilled cat food here.”

Jordon craned his neck and scanned the store around them. “The pet aisle isn’t around here.” He gasped in excitement. “You think it’s a ghost?”

Danny shook his head. “Nope,” he said firmly. “We are not doing this. There are no ghosts in this store. We’re going to do some Christmas shopping, and then we’re going back to the hotel. Right, Dilly?”

No response.

Danny shot to his feet and frantically glanced around them. “Dylan?”

Unfortunately, their poncho-clad stoner seemed to have gone AWOL. There was no sign of him anywhere in the store around them, and Danny was immediately sent into a state of mom-like panic at the thought of losing Dylan in a Wal-Mart. Had they left him in the aisle of books? Had he gotten distracted by the bright Christmas lights and wandered into the aisle of decorations? Did he go into the clothes section to see if he could find another poncho to keep his current one company?

Danny’s phone buzzed and he scrambled to get it from his pocket. He gazed at the screen, and a wave of relief washed over him when he saw a text from Dylan.

However, his relief was short-lived. He read Dylan’s text once, then twice to make sure he hadn’t misread it. He took a deep breath as Jordon scrambled out of the cart to read the text over Danny’s shoulder.

“What is it?” Jordon asked, his gifts for George and Jorel still clutched in his hands.

Danny held the phone up so Jordon could read the text. Jordon grinned when he saw what it said.

_ghost in pet aisle, get ur asses over here_

Danny shoved his phone back into his pocket. “Let’s go,” he sighed.

When they got to the pet aisle, hell had already broken loose.

Danny and Jordon turned the corner into the pet aisle, Danny still pushing the group’s maniac in the cart. Danny stopped immediately and gazed at the mess before him.

Cat food was strewn about everywhere, the empty bags lying discarded on the ground among cat toys that had been flung off the shelf and scattered through the aisle. Cans of Fancy Feast and little packages of Whiskas had been ripped apart. The majority of the food from within the cans was gone, while the stuff from the packages had simply been spilled across the floor, creating a horrible mess for some poor employee to clean up later.

And in the midst of all this was Dylan, desperately trying to place all the cat toys in their proper places. A green elf sat upon his head, and a blunt was smoking in his mouth.

Danny sighed. “Dilly, what did you do?”

Dylan whirled around at the sound of Danny’s voice. “I didn’t do shit, homie!” he said, setting a dangly cat toy on a shelf with a bunch of treats. “It was the fuckin’ ghost! You shoulda seen it tear through this place!”

Danny took the misplaced toy from the shelf and put it where it belonged. “And I assume you did?” he asked. Dylan was under the impression that he could see ghosts when he was high, which was probably why he was blazing it in the middle of a Wal-Mart right now. Danny wanted to tell him to stop, but when the Funny Man wanted to smoke, he was going to smoke, consequences be damned.

Dylan nodded. “Yeah, esé. The little fuckers just ripped through the aisle—”

“Wait,” Danny interrupted. “‘Fuckers’, as in, _multiple_ ghosts?”

“Yeah,” Dylan said through the blunt in his mouth. “‘Bout a dozen of ‘em. Little things. Looked kinda like animals.”

Danny furrowed his brow in concern as he began to help Dylan clean up the mess. He didn’t believe that Dylan could see ghosts— only Jordon and Dylan believed in that delusion— but he trusted Dylan’s intuition. If he felt that there was more than one ghost in the store, there probably was.

“Do you know where they went?” Jordon asked. He held his presents for Jorel and George tighter, as if afraid that a ghost might run out of nowhere and snatch them away.

Dylan gestured to the opposite end of the aisle. “Somewhere down there, I think. I dunno. Those li’l shits can run through walls. Coulda gone anywhere.”

Danny picked up a few more toys and placed them back in their rightful places. He furrowed his brow and bit his lip, which told Dylan that Danny’s mind was already racing, thinking up different ideas for catching these ghosts and any possible outcomes that be a result of any of his plans. Dylan hoped Danny could figure out a game plan soon. Having a bunch of tiny ghosts running through a Wal-Mart had the potential to ruin their entire trip.

“Excuse me, sir?”

Dylan turned around at the voice. A very tired looking employee stood in the aisle right behind him, a broom and dustpan in her hands. Her uniform was rumpled, and the bags under her eyes were definitely Gucci. The nametag on her uniform read “Penny”.

“You can’t smoke in the store,” she said. Her voice was flat and toneless, and she kept glancing down at the horrible mess on the floor with dull eyes. It seemed her retail job at Wal-Mart had sucked all of the life out of this poor young gen Z. Dylan didn’t want to make her job any harder than it already was, but he really did need his weed if they wanted to find the ghost.

“We gotsta catch a ghost, homie,” Dylan said in a poor attempt to explain this to the young worker.

“No, we don’t,” Danny interrupted. He gently nudged Dylan with his elbow, trying to subtly tell him not to talk about ghosts in front of people who weren’t ghost hunters. “We’ll clean up our mess. Sorry about all this.”

Penny’s gaze drifted from Danny, to the mess on the floor, to Dylan and his blunt, and finally settled on Jordon leaning halfway out of the cart.

“You guys are ghost hunters?” she asked, her voice still flat.

“The best in Los Angeles!” Jordon burst with a smile. He almost toppled out of the cart, but Danny rushed forward and grabbed his shoulders to steady him.

Penny blinked. “This is Las Vegas.”

Danny sighed. “We’re from Los Angeles. We came here for a holiday.”

Jordon held up his presents for George and Jorel. “We’re buying gifts.”

“But now we gotta catch a ghost,” Dylan said. A puff of smoke escaped his lips, and he took another hit from his blunt. “There are a bunch of ‘em in here, esé. I can see ‘em.”

“No you can’t,” Danny said. He felt a sharp pain prod at his head at the thought of running through a Wal-Mart after a ghost with the two lunatics of the group. He shot the employee a sympathetic look in a silent apology for having to deal with the three of them. “We’re very sorry. We’ll clean up our mess and be right on our way.”

Penny glanced at the end of the aisle behind her, then back at the three boys. “So... just how good are you at ghost hunting?”

“We had to burn down a house on Halloween to get rid of a ghost,” Dylan said casually, as if he’d just said something as normal as “we bought groceries.”

Penny’s eyes widened with a hint of surprise, the most emotion she had expressed in the entire two minutes she’d been there. Her eyes shone with a mischief that Danny most often saw in Jordon’s eyes when he was about to do something particularly stupid. “I’d like to watch this place burn,” she muttered.

Before Danny could say anything, she dropped her broom and dustpan on the ground and started walking towards the end of the aisle. “Follow me. I think I know where your ghosts went.”

Dylan and Jordon exchanged a glance. They both shrugged, and Dylan followed after the employee, his blunt smoking in his mouth. Hugging his gifts to his chest, Jordon clambered out of the cart and scurried after the two with a smile on his face.

Danny stared after them. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was going to have to end up taking care of all three of them, but there was nothing he could do about it. He left the cart and the mess where they were and trudged after the trio, another headache building behind his eyes.

Why couldn’t they have one holiday without having to deal with this shit?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so since this is definitely the last thing i'm going to update in 2019, i am going to officially wish y'all a happy new year now despite the fact that i've said it about three times already. have a happy new year. see you next decade


	3. The Place Where Shit Goes Down

Penny kicked open a door at the back at the store and shouted into the room beyond. “What’s up, fuckers! I brought ghost hunters!”

A young girl looked up from where she was sitting at a table in the break room. She plucked a smoking blunt from her mouth and flashed a peace sign at the group. The incessant singing of Justin Beiber over the intercom even reached back here, and Dylan could see it in the girl’s eyes that this poor retail worker was on the verge of committing murder if she had to listen to JB sing “All I Want For Christmas Is You” one more time.

Penny gestured to the worker. “This is my dumbass, Emily. She sees ghosts sometimes.”

“It’s the weed, Pen,” the girl said. “Gets you on another level of existence.”

Danny sighed, probably frustrated that another person believed they could see ghosts when they were high, but Dylan shot him a smug smile. “See? It’s ain’t just me, esé. Marriage iguana is magic, homie.”

Emily raised her blunt as if giving a toast. “Amen to that, brother.”

Jordon waved at her. “Hi! I’m Charlie!”

Penny walked up to Emily and grabbed her hand, pulling her out of her seat. “Come on. You and poncho man are gonna be our ghost bloodhounds.”

Emily seemed totally cool with this development. “Sure thing, babe,” she mumbled through the blunt in her mouth.

Danny watched as Penny dragged Emily out of the break room and Dylan and Jordon followed. Every parental instinct in his body was screaming at him not to let these children help with a potentially dangerous ghost situation, but he got the feeling that they were about as stubborn as Jordon was. If they wanted to help, they would help.

He turned and hurried after them. He had a feeling this ghost hunting adventure was going to be a bit more chaotic than usual.

Danny, Dylan, and Jordon followed the two employees through the store. Dylan and Emily burned through their blunts very quickly, and while this worried Dylan that he might not be able to see the ghosts if his buzz faded, Emily assured him that she had a shit ton more weed in her pocket. Jordon snatched a canvas bag from a shelf and shoved George’s book and Jorel’s headphones inside so he could carry them easier. He hopped on the balls of his feet as he walked alongside Dylan. He seemed excited to be ghost hunting again.

As they were passing by a bunch of aisles, Penny let go of Emily’s hand for a moment to shout at an older employee stocking shelves. “Hey Bernard!”

The employee turned to look at her. “What?” he yelled back.

“We’re going to the stock room!” Penny shrieked. “We ran out of Sparkle Girlz Winter Princess dolls!”

Danny could have sworn that one of his eardrums popped. Why didn’t she just go up to him and talk like a normal person?

“I better not come back there to see you two making out again!” Bernard shouted.

“That was _one_ time!” Penny took Emily’s hand again and dragged her along towards another door in the back of the store.

Danny had forgotten just how big Wal-Mart stores were. Now that he was walking through one, it felt as if he’d been walking for ages. He followed after Jordon and Dylan, who both seemed totally chill with the fact that they had enlisted the help of two people who were barely adults, and one of them was stoned out of her mind and probably wouldn’t be much help whatsoever.

Penny and Emily stopped in front of a door in the wall. “This is the stock room,” Penny said, as if she hadn’t just shouted that they were going to the stock room. “This is usually where shit goes down. Like, ghost shit. This place is haunted as fuck, yo.”

Danny furrowed his brow, his interest suddenly piqued. “Wait, so this isn’t the first time you guys have seen ghosts in here?”

Penny shook her head. “Nope. This fuckin’ store’s been haunted for a long ass time. We been dealing with this shit for years. The ghosts always go to the stock room.” Her gaze travelled to the floor. “And I think it’s gone back in there.”

She pointed to the floor. A trail of cat food pellets led through the aisles and stopped in front of the stock room door.

“The fucker always leaves cat food everywhere,” Penny grumbled. “Makes my fuckin’ job harder.”

Dylan shook his head. “That’s loco, homes. Gotta respect retail workers.”

Emily stared up at Dylan. She turned and grabbed him by the arms, gazing right into his eyes. “You,” she mumbled. “You’re my favourite customer.”

Dylan blinked at her. He turned to look at Danny. “Danny, can we adopt these lesbians?”

Danny sighed. “Temporarily. As soon as we’re done with these ghosts, we’re disowning them.”

Penny nodded once. “Sounds good to me.” She grabbed Danny’s sleeve and pulled him towards the door. “Come on, Dad.”

Jordon slung his new canvas bag over his shoulder and followed them. “He’s more like a mom than a dad.”

Danny rolled his eyes, but he didn’t argue with Jordon’s statement. He was right. Danny was, unfortunately, the mom of the group.

They pushed the door open and stepped into the stock room. Inside, aisles upon aisles of boxes and crates were stacked almost to the ceiling. A couple forklifts were scattered throughout the room, along with a few stray boxes.

Danny scanned the room. The trail of cat food led between two rows of boxes. Other than that, there didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary.

“I guess we follow the cat food,” Danny muttered.

Dylan linked his arm with Jordon’s. “Ready when you are, esé.”

Penny took Emily’s hand and started forward, and Danny followed them. He figured he’d let them lead, since they knew the stock room better than he did.

“ _Feliz Navidad_ ,” Dylan sang quietly as they followed the cat food into an aisle lined by boxes. “ _Feliz Navidad, prospero año y felicidad..._ ”

“ _Feliz Navidad_ ,” Jordon muttered along. He gazed around the stock room at all of the boxes, searching for anything to catch his attention. This room was so boring. Why didn’t they decorate the stock room for Christmas? A few lights wrapped around the towers of boxes might help liven up the place a little bit.

Something moved in the corner of his eye and he twisted his head to see what it was. A box on top of a tower had shifted a little off centre, just enough for Jordon to notice. He furrowed his brow and stared at it, not even daring to blink in case it moved again.

Dylan nudged Jordon with his elbow. “Homie, you stopped singin’. Thought we were doin’ a duet here.”

Jordon’s gaze flickered around the room. “I thought I saw something.”

The group was plunged into darkness and Jordon shrieked. He jumped into Dylan’s arms, glancing around frantically for any source of light.

Something sparked in the darkness, and a lighter blazed to life in Dylan’s hand. “You good homie?” he asked, his warm brown gaze staring at Jordon with concern.

Jordon nodded and peeled himself off of Dylan. “Yeah. I’m good. I’m chill. I’m fine. That was a yell of excitement.”

He clutched the strap of his new bag as Emily flicked her own lighter on. “This don’t usually happen,” she muttered.

Penny pursed her lips. “Welp. That’s spooky.”

“As long as we ain’t blind, we can keep going,” Danny said. He started after the trail of cat food again.

Penny gazed after him. “Is he usually this uptight?” she asked Jordon.

Jordon nodded. “Oh, yeah. He’s a mom. He’s gotta be uptight.”

“Cool.” Penny and Emily followed Danny into the darkness, and after a moment of hesitation, Dylan and Jordon went after them.

Danny peered into the shadows of the stock room. He didn’t have his own lighter with him, and he hadn’t brought any flashlights on the trip, so they were at the mercy of Dylan and Emily’s flickering lighters.

Emily and Penny quickened their pace so they were walking side by side with Dylan and Jordon. Emily stuck a blunt in her mouth, and she held another one out to Dylan. He wordlessly took it and lit it with his lighter.

“Is your job usually this creepy?” Penny asked quietly.

Jordon nodded. “Yep.” He nervously eyed a shadow lingering at the edge of a tower of boxes.

“Our other job ain’t that scary though,” Dylan reminded him. “We in a band. The only scary thing we got there are our masks.”

Emily perked up. “You’re in a band? What kind of music do you make? Is it chill stuff to get high to?”

“Some of it,” Dylan said. He pulled out his phone and started scrolling through his music. “You wanna get high, you gotsta listen to Ghost Beach. Danno’s got some sick vocals, homie.”

“We don’t need to show them our music, Dilly,” Danny said. “Noise might just piss the ghost off.”

A loud rattling echoed through the stock room and everyone jumped. It sounded as if someone was pushing a cart through the aisles of boxes. The group stopped in their tracks, hearts pounding, each one glancing around frantically for the source of the noise. Jordon clung onto Dylan’s sleeve, and Penny tightened her grip on Emily’s hand.

The noise got louder and Danny tensed, ready to grab the others and run if he needed to. He hoped it was just a customer who had somehow gotten lost and wandered into the stock room, but that was just wishful thinking. He took a step back as something appeared in the darkness.

A cart full of cat food bags emerged from the shadows and rolled to a stop in front of him. Pellets trailed from the cart, spilling on the ground behind it.

Danny stepped toward it and gazed in the cart. The bags of cat food inside were ripped almost to shreds, as if something with razor-sharp claws had torn into them.

“That looks normal,” Penny muttered.

Danny furrowed his brow before stepping past the cart. “Let’s keep going.”

The group moved forward. Jordon kept his gaze on the cart like he thought it would suddenly whirl around and crash into him.

Dylan spotted something moving out of the corner of his eye and snapped his gaze to look at it. His eyes widened. “Uh, Danno?”

“What?” Danny sighed.

Emily seemed to have seen the same thing, because she nudged Dylan, her eyes fixed on the shadows. “Hey, poncho man? That looks like a cat, right?”

“Not like any cat I ever seen,” Dylan mumbled.

He and Emily watched as the thing squeezed between two towers of boxes and disappeared. The boxes shifted, and Danny, Penny, and Jordon all turned to look. “What was that?” Jordon squeaked.

“The ghost, homie,” Dylan said. He took a hit from his blunt. “One of ‘em, at least.”

Emily started towards the boxes it had disappeared behind, dragging Penny with her. “Come on. Let’s get this fucker.”

Danny immediately turned on his heel and went after the two chaotic lesbians. “Be careful,” he warned. “Ghosts aren’t usually nice.”

Dylan pulled Jordon after him to catch up with Emily and Penny. He and Emily let go of Penny and Jordon to push the boxes aside. Danny peered over their shoulders and prepared to pull them away in case something jumped out.

Nothing.

Danny let out a relieved sigh. He stepped forward and peeked through the gap between the boxes just to make sure there was nothing dangerous in the next aisle over. Once he concluded that it was safe, he stepped through.

The next aisle over lit up as soon as Dylan and Emily followed with their lighters. Judging by Dylan and Emily’s frantic glancing, the ghost was nowhere to be seen. Danny still didn’t believe that either of them could see ghosts when high, but they seemed to believe that delusion whole-heartedly. Granted, he did find it odd that they both claimed to be seeing the same thing, but he stood by the fact that getting high did not give someone the ability to see the dead. He should know. He’d been high before.

They all tiptoed down the dark hallway in a tight group. Jordon clung to Dylan’s free arm, like he was afraid the ghost would appear out of nowhere and snatch him away. Penny did the same with Emily, and Danny’s parental instincts kicked into overdrive when he saw the fear in her eyes. He should not have let these two kids come along on this ghost hunting expedition. No matter what, he would make sure they got out of this unharmed. 

Emily’s gaze shifted to something on top of a tower of boxes. She pointed at it with her lighter and spoke around her blunt. “Hey poncho man? You seeing this shit?”

Dylan followed her gaze and blinked. “ _Que mierda?”_ he muttered. 

Danny looked up as well, but he saw nothing but darkness. 

A box at the top of the tower shifted. They all took a cautious step back, prepared to run. The box moved again, teetering precariously at the edge of the tower it was perched on. Danny took Jordon’s wrist in one hand and Penny’s in the other. 

The box stopped moving. It stayed balanced at the edge of its tower. Danny let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. 

The box shot off the tower. It crashed into another wall of boxes and burst open on impact. Merchandise flew everywhere, raining down on the three ghost hunters and their young companions. 

Danny sprinted down the aisle, yanking the others behind him so fast that none of them even had time to see what had been in the box. 

More boxes were thrown at them by an invisible force. Each one exploded as soon as it hit the ground. Plastic clattered and metal clanged as everything from Barbie dolls to frying pans crashed to the stock room floor. A ceramic teapot flew at Jordon’s head, missing him by a hair and smashing into a million pieces on the ground in front of him. 

Danny glanced back as they ran. A box exploded against the floor and hardcover books went flying everywhere. Somehow, almost of them changed direction midair and shot straight for Penny’s head. Danny grabbed her shoulder and pushed her down just as an entire library zipped over her. 

Emily turned to Danny, her eyes wide. “Is this normal?” she squeaked. 

“Yep!” Danny shouted. He nudged past Penny and grabbed Emily’s sleeve. “Watch your head!”

He pulled her aside just as a dozen paring knives made a beeline for the back of her head. The knives thudded into a wall of boxes. 

Dylan frantically scanned the aisle of cardboard for a way out. The flame on the tip of his lighter flickered as they ran, making it extremely difficult for him to see, but he caught a glimpse of a gap in the boxes. A faint glowing shape moved in the shadows beyond the gap. It registered in his high brain that this was a ghost (or, in Danny’s opinion, a weed-induced hallucination), but he figured one tiny ghost was preferable to a bunch of dangerous falling Wal-Mart merchandise that seemed intent on killing them. He steered the group towards the gap, and they slipped through just as a one-litre bottle of cola rocketed towards them. It crashed into a tower of boxes, sending more Wal-Mart products raining down in the aisle.

They all paused as soon as they emerged in the next aisle, breathing heavily. The crashing and clattering in the aisle of danger slowly subsided. One final crash echoed through the stock room, and a plastic frisbee rolled through the gap in the boxes and wobbled to a stop. 

Penny glanced back at the mess. “Man, we’re probably gonna have to clean this up,” she said with a dejected sigh. 

“We’re so gonna get fired for this,” Emily mumbled. She turned her attention to something moving through the darkness. “Yo, poncho dude. You seein’ this?”

Dylan nodded, despite the fact that Danny didn’t see anything in the darkness at all. “Yeah, homie.” He took Jordon’s hand again and started down the aisle. 

Danny sighed and walked after them, Emily and Penny in tow. He still didn’t believe that Dylan could see ghosts when he was high, and he wondered how long it would take Dylan to realize that it was nothing more than a weed induced hallucination. Of course, weed wasn’t a hallucinatory drug, but that was the only logical explanation for Dylan and Emily’s delusions. 

“Hello?”

All five of them shrieked in alarm and whirled around. In the dark aisle, a shadow shambled towards them. They all took a step back as it approached. Its back was hunched as if the weight of the world rested on its shoulders. A pair of gnarled hands came into view and they all held their breath. 

An old lady entered their circle of light. Jordon, not seeming to realize that this was a person and not a ghost, screamed anyway as he clung to Dylan’s arm. 

Dylan nudged Jordon in the ribs to shut him up. “Jordy, it’s just an old lady!”

Danny swatted Dylan on the arm “You can’t call her old right to her face,” he hissed. It had taken him a moment, but he recognized the old lady as the one with the cart full of cat food that they had bumped into earlier. He gave the lady a smile. “Sorry about that. Are you alright?”

The lady nodded. “Yes, yes, I’m fine,” she said in her croaky old woman voice. “Now what are you doing back here?”

Penny narrowed her eyes at the old lady. “Wait, I know you. You always come in here and buy a bunch of cat food.”

The old lady nodded as a friendly smile spread across her face. “Yes. I have so many little mouths to feed. I think you’d love to meet them.” She started shuffling across the floor again and gestured for the group to follow. “Come, come.”

Danny and Dylan exchanged a hesitant glance. This lady had no business being back here if she wasn’t part of the ghost problem, and she was only leading them deeper into the darkness of the stock room. However, if she had something to do with the ghosts in this store, then they had to follow her. 

Danny kept the other four behind him as he walked after the lady. She moved at a snail’s pace, and Danny doubted she was dangerous, but one could never be too sure when ghosts were involved. 

Danny shoved his hands in his pockets and quickened his pace a little so he was walking next to the lady. “So,” he began. “Your cats live in here?”

She nodded and smiled. “Oh yes. They have for years. I come see them as much as I can. No one uses this stock room anyway.”

Danny looked to Penny for confirmation of the old lady’s statement. Penny shrugged in response. “We avoid this room because it’s haunted, man. We’ve got other stock rooms.”

They continued on in silence. Danny was curious about where the old lady was leading them, but he once again found himself thinking about his gift for Jorel. They still needed to get Jordon his gifts for everyone, and then they had to find a place to get Jorel’s gift. Danny didn’t even know where to go to find it. He’d never been to Las Vegas. And how expensive would it be? 

The end of the aisle of boxes came into view, and lady shuffled over to it, waving for the group to follow her. “Just this way,” she croaked. “They’ll be so happy to meet you.”

She walked up to a tall box resting against the wall, and it must have been empty, because she pushed it aside without a problem. Behind the box was a large hole in the wall, and she walked through it. “Come, this way.”

Emily stared at the dark hole. “Wazzat usually there?” she whispered to Penny. 

“Don’t think so,” Penny whispered back. She reached past Emily and poked Danny’s arm. “You go first. You’re the mom.”

Danny sighed, but he couldn’t deny her statement. He ignored his sense of impending danger and started towards the hole. 

The five of them stepped through the wall and almost immediately emerged in another smaller room. Old boxes were scattered across the floor, some of them ripped to shreds or covered in claw marks. A cluster of cat food bags sat in the corner, and almost all of them were open and spilling their contents all over the floor. Dylan gazed around the room as dozens of little glowing creatures wandered about. Each one vaguely resembled a cat, but something was off about all of them. One with oddly long legs that had too many joints trotted past Dylan and lied down next to another ghost cat with three eyes. They all faded in and out of existence, as if a gust of wind blew them away one second and brought them back the next.

The lady entered the room with a wide smile and waved at the ghosts in the room. They gathered around her and nuzzled her legs. “Hello, darlings!” she said. “I brought some friends. You don’t mind, do you?”

Danny blinked as the lady spoke to the empty room. He leaned over to whisper to Jordon. “You think she’s gone senile?”

Jordon nodded and shouldered his bag with his gifts in it. “Think so, man.”

Dylan stared at the room. “ _Dios mio_ ,” he muttered. “Danno... I think we found our ghosts.”

Emily nodded, her eyes wide. “Holy shit, there are so _many_.”

“Yes, my babies tend to flock to this room,” the lady said. “They love being here. They like to rip up the bags I bring them, but sometimes they like to wreak havoc in the rest of the store.” She bent down and stroked the fur of one of the cat ghosts. “They get very defensive when people come close.”

One of the cat ghosts walked up to Dylan. It dissipated into glowing mist for a moment before it reformed and nudged his leg. His skin turned cold where the ghost brushed against him and he jerked his leg away. “Why, though?” he asked. “They scared or somethin’?”

The lady waved her hand dismissively. “No, no. They’re just so protective over one of my babies that they attack anyone who comes close. They won’t attack you, though, don’t worry,” she added when she saw the fear in Jordon and Penny’s eyes. “One of them is just so vulnerable, that the others feel the need to protect him. Of course, they were all like that at one point, but over time, they all turn into this.” She gestured to a ghost that had an abnormally long neck and short back legs. It nudged her leg and she scratched it on the head. “One day I’ll join them,” she whispered. “But not until every one of them is there with me.”

Penny stared at the lady. “This is a little creepy,” she muttered.

But the lady’s words tugged at Dylan’s heartstrings a little. “These are her cats,” he said. He sat crisscross applesauce on the floor and put his lighter back in his pocket. He let one of the ghost cats approach. Three ghostly tails flicked at the end of its back, but he ignored them and let the cat hop into his lap. “She just wanted to take care of them, even after they died.” He ran a hand along the cat’s back, and although his hand almost phased through it and its fur was freezing to the touch, he kept petting it as it began to purr.

Danny furrowed his brow and stared around the room. Penny and Jordon shared his confused expression, so they obviously weren’t vibing on Dylan and Emily’s level. Maybe if they smoked some weed they’d be able to see the ghosts, but Dylan had seen Danny and Jordon while they were high. Neither of them could see ghosts the way he could. Besides, Danny was more of an edibles dude. He didn’t like to smoke as much as the others.

Emily bent down and held out her hand. A cat trotted up to her and sniffed her with its two short snouts. She patted it on the head and smiled. “Aww, they’re not dangerous. They’re cute.”

A cat with six legs scampered over to another dark corner of the room and lied down. The old lady followed it, still smiling. “Here, I’ll introduce you to the baby of the group. He’s pretty new, so he’s not going to join the others for a while, but in the meantime, he’s got me.”

Danny, Jordon, and Penny all looked a little hesitant, but Dylan stood up with the ice-cold ghost cat in his arms. “Come on, homies.”

He and Emily both started after the old lady. He heard the footsteps of the others behind him and assumed they were following him.

Ghost cats wandered about the room. Some of them paused and sniffed at the three ghost hunters and their two adopted Wal-Mart employees. Others just ignored the five of them and walked right through them. One cat jumped across the room, launching itself right through Danny’s torso. Despite the fact that he couldn’t see the ghost, he shuddered as if he felt the coldness of it in his chest.

The lady stopped in the corner where the six-legged cat had gone. It raised its head as she approached, and she leaned down to pat its head when she stopped. “He’s right here,” she said.

Dylan stepped forward and looked down. Next to the faintly glowing ghost cat, a living cat lied on the ground. He examined it for any abnormal traits that might identify it as a ghost— extra body parts, glowing fur— but there was nothing. It sat on a pet pillow that still had the tag on it. Dylan assumed the old lady had taken it from the stock room so her one living cat would have a nice place to sleep.

Danny hesitated, but he knelt down in front of the cat. “Why do you keep him here?” he asked.

The old lady sighed. “The home I stay at doesn’t allow pets,” she said. Her voice was so filled with sadness, Dylan’s heart almost split in two. A sad old lady was one of the most upsetting sights in the world, aside from sad puppies and kittens.

The lady stroked the cat’s fur and it purred. “I just worry that I’ll be gone before him and he’ll have no one to take care of him.”

Jordon peered over Danny’s shoulder to look at the cat. “Why don’t you just take him to a shelter or something?”

“What if he ends up with a bad owner?” the lady asked. The distress in her voice only increased. “I can’t let that happen.”

Danny furrowed his brow and bit his lip. His thinking face was on now, so Dylan knew his mind was racing.

Danny reached out and very gently picked up the cat. The cat didn’t protest. It simply meowed as he stood up with it in his arms. He rubbed it beneath the chin, and its throat rumbled in a purr.

Danny looked at the old lady. “I think I know what to do with him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is totally irrelevant to the story, but i just watched Highway to Havasu, and seeing Johnny with long hair and an eyepatch is one of the weirdest fucking things. who the hell decided to give him hair??? and why????


	4. Have a Hollywood Christmas

Just as they suspected, Penny and Emily were both fired as soon as their manager saw the mess in the stock room, and Danny, Jordon, and Dylan were all banned from yet another Wal-Mart. The situation could have gone better, but Danny was just glad nothing had been set on fire this time.

The old lady left the store, and Dylan said her hoard of ghost cats followed her. At least the store wouldn’t be haunted anymore, if what Dylan said was true.

Danny and Dylan were kicked out of the store first, but Jordon was able to wriggle away from security and collect his gifts for the others before the employees caught up to him. He bought his stuff and was thrown out of the store with a grin on his face. He seemed proud to have been banned from another major retail store.

The three ghost hunters and their two temporarily adopted gen Z’s stood outside the Wal-Mart. The old lady’s cat still rested in Danny’s arms, but he wasn’t worried about it. He knew exactly what to do with it.

Penny sighed as Emily blazed through another blunt. “Welp, that’s another job to add to the resume.” She turned to Emily. “Where should we apply now?”

Emily gazed thoughtfully into the distance as she smoked. “Hmm... well, we could try an animal shelter. I like workin’ with animals.”

Penny gasped happily, which Danny didn’t expect from the previously dead inside Wal-Mart employee. “Holy shit, that would be awesome! We could take care of cats and dogs and bunnies and—” She gasped again and grabbed Emily by the shoulders. “We could adopt a bunch of them! Em, we could be crazy cat ladies! We could live the lesbian dream!”

Emily shrugged. She seemed totally cool with this dream of Penny’s. “Sure thing, babe.”

“So, you two will be okay on your own?” Danny asked.

Emily nodded as Penny clung to her arm, an excited grin spreading across her face. “We good, man.” Emily pointed to the cat in Danny’s arms. “What about him?”

Danny scratched the cat on the head. “Don’t worry. I’ve got him figured out.”

Emily made a fist and held it out. Dylan bumped his fist against hers. “Gonna miss you, poncho man,” she said. “Call us if you ever in Vegas again.”

“We don’t have your numbers,” Danny pointed out.

In response, Emily pulled a pen from her pocket, took off the cap, and scribbled a string of numbers on the back of Dylan’s hand. “You do now.” She shoved the pen back in her pocket and nudged Penny with her elbow. “Let’s go babe. We got resumes to write up.”

The two of them started for the parking lot. Emily wrapped her arm around Penny’s shoulders as Penny began to excitedly talk about what their future jobs might bring them. Being away from her shitty retail job seemed to bring all of the life back into Penny’s being, and the way she smiled and ranted about cats and dogs and animal shelters sort of reminded Danny of Jordon.

Jordon rested an elbow on Danny’s shoulder. “So, we good to go buy Jorel’s present?”

Danny shrugged as a smile spread across his face. “I don’t think I need to anymore.”

As soon as the door to George and Jorel’s hotel room opened, Danny knew he’d made the wrong decision to leave George in charge.

Danny sighed as he walked into the room. “What the hell did you do?”

The room was a disaster. Two torn pillows had scattered their insides all over, spilling feathers across the floor and on the beds. The mini fridge that was once under the TV stand had been unplugged and tossed across the room. The comforters from each bed had been taken off and draped across a group of chairs in the corner of the room to create a blanket fort. Three boxes of pepperoni pizza sat open on the nightstand, and each box was at least half empty. A couple stray pieces of pizza were on the floor beneath the TV, and judging by the grease streaks on the screen, the pizza had been thrown at the TV for whatever reason.

George poked his head out of the blanket fort. “Sup, bitch. We made a fort.”

Jorel hopped out of the fort, brandishing a pillow like a weapon. “And no girls allowed!”

“I’m not a girl,” Danny reminded them.

“Tell that to your pink hair!” Jorel said. He threw the pillow at Danny, and it gently thumped against his face and fell to the ground.

Danny sighed. “I don’t even want to know how all of this happened. Just please clean it up before we leave tomorrow. I don’t want the cleaning people to hate us.”

“Suck my ass, Daniel!” Jorel shouted. He picked up another pillow from the depths of the blanket fort and threw it with all his might. “YEET!”

Danny just stood there and let the pillow hit his chest. He began to question why he decided to get Jorel the present he did. Jorel certainly wasn’t responsible, but Danny hoped their resident emo would be able to show some restraint on Christmas Day.

“Did you get all your presents?” George asked.

Danny nodded. “Yeah. Also, we adopted some lesbians, chased down some ghosts, and got banned from another Wal-Mart.”

Jorel’s shoulders slumped. “Man, that sounds fun.” He grumbled under his breath and sank back into the blanket fort, disappointed that he hadn’t gotten to join in this exciting adventure.

Danny sighed. “Anyway, the other two lunatics are getting hungry, so we figured we’d go get some lunch/supper and then see if there are any casinos open.”

George’s eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline. “You would let Jordon and Dylan go into a casino?”

Danny shrugged. “It’s Vegas. They wanna party. Besides, Jordon’s easier to handle when he’s drunk.”

George considered it, then shrugged. “Aight. I’m down for whatever.”

Fortunately, the night went on smoothly. Jordon got absolutely shitfaced, and the drunker he got, the louder he got, which meant he was easy to find in a crowd. Dylan decided to do a little bit of gambling, but luckily, he didn’t throw all of his money away. He actually won about ten dollars in a game of poker, which he was very proud of. Jorel stayed by the bar with Danny, who was determined to drink as much as he could and have as much fun as possible before he had to return to being the designated mom of the group. George was the driver, so he stayed sober while the others got wasted.

However, that meant that he had to temporarily take over the role as the mom of the group since Danny was drunk. He rushed back and forth from the poker table to the dance floor to the bar to make sure Dylan didn’t blow all of his money, Jordon didn’t cause too much destruction and chaos, and Danny and Jorel limited their drinking. Surprisingly, Dylan was fine on his own, which meant that George really only had to keep his eyes on the other three. Keeping track of all of them was difficult, and George wondered how Danny was able to manage it.

Before the clock even hit midnight, George decided it was time to leave. He couldn’t handle having to wrangle these maniacs for much longer. He found Dylan and told him to get in the car first before venturing off to find Jordon. He somehow managed to wrestle Jordon into the backseat of the vehicle, and the lunatic was too drunk to break free as George buckled his seatbelt and went back into the casino to grab Danny and Jorel.

Dylan waited patiently in the car, a blunt in his mouth slowly dwindling into smoke. He sat in the backseat next to Jordon and stuck his head out the window to blow some smoke out into the Las Vegas night.

The door to the casino opened and George came out. Danny’s arm was slung around one of George’s shoulders and Jorel’s arm rested on the other. Both stumbled and laughed as they walked, clearly shitfaced into near unconsciousness. George struggled to get them to the car, and Dylan would have stepped out and helped, but he still hadn’t finished his blunt.

George opened the door to the backseat and shoved Jorel into the car, not bothering to buckle him up before slamming it shut and stepping over to the passenger door. He handled Danny more carefully than he had Jorel, gently guiding him into the passenger seat before buckling him up and moving over to the driver’s side.

Dylan reached past Jordon, and, with some difficulty, managed to buckle Jorel’s seatbelt in place. George started the car, and the group sped off back towards the hotel.

Danny, in his drunken haze, leaned over in his seat and rested his head on George’s arm. “Thanks, Georgie,” he muttered.

George kept his eyes on the crowded street. “No prob, Danno.”

Danny sighed, and for once, it wasn’t a sigh of exasperation. He seemed content, having let himself have fun for a few hours without having to worry about the others.

The vehicle was blessedly quiet as they drove back to the hotel. George turned on the radio, and soft Christmas music emanated from the speakers. He turned the volume down. He figured Danny would end up sleeping during the car ride, and he wasn’t about to let anything keep their group mom awake if he wanted to sleep.

Danny, however, hadn’t fallen asleep. He kept his gaze on the window. He stared out at the pretty Christmas lights with a dazed smile.

One light in particular caught his attention. It was right ahead of them on the street, and despite the fact that it was bigger than most of the others lights, it was much dimmer. It was more of a faint glow than a bright light. He furrowed his brow, wondering what it could be. It looked almost like a person, but he couldn’t tell.

“Yo, homies,” Dylan said from the backseat. “There’s a ghost in the street. I think we should take a different road. I don’t wanna hit it.”

A few more faintly glowing silhouettes drifted through the street among the headlights of the cars. “What the fuck are those?” Danny mumbled in his drunken confusion.

George shot Danny a skeptical look. “Those are cars, Daniel.”

Danny studied one of the glowing lights as they passed by it. It almost seemed to have a face, but it dissipated into glowing smoke before he could really process what he was seeing. “No, those are people. Like... like, glowy people. Did they put on glow-in-the-dark Halloween makeup or somethin’?”

Dylan stared at Danny. Danny’s gaze was fixed on one of the ghosts out in the street, and Dylan gasped when the puzzle pieces clicked together.

“Danny sees ghosts when he’s drunk!” Dylan shouted excitedly.

George rolled his eyes. “None of us can see ghosts, Dilly.” He usually didn’t care whether Dylan thought he could see ghosts, but he felt the need to be the voice of reason for the group since Danny was down for the count.

Dylan almost leaned across the entire car to point to Danny. “He sees ‘em too, Johnny! Look!”

Danny waved his hand dismissively. “Nah. I... I can’t see ghosts, Dylbug. That’s crazy.”

Dylan slumped in his seat, disappointed that Danny was denying this crucial fact. He’d convince Danny someday. Next ghost hunting mission, maybe.

Danny woke to a pounding headache. He groaned and rolled over in bed. “Fuck,” he mumbled, his voice hoarse with tiredness.

The bed shifted, and someone wrapped their arms around Danny from behind. “Dude, your morning voice is sexy,” Jordon’s voice muttered.

Danny snorted. “Thanks, Jordy.” He sighed and opened one eye. Sunlight spilled in from the open curtains of the hotel room. “We should probably get out of bed.”

Jordon just snuggled closer to Danny. Danny gently nudged the maniac with his elbow. “It’s Christmas,” he reminded him.

Jordon shot upright immediately. “Holy shit, it is!” he yelled, his sleepiness suddenly forgotten. Danny felt him move across the mattress, and he heard a thump as Jordon fell off the bed and onto the floor. “Come on, Dilly!” Jordon said.

Danny shifted and slowly sat up. He glanced down and saw that he’d fallen asleep in his clothes from last night. He figured that Dylan had dumped Jordon and Danny on the same bed before taking the last bed for himself. Dylan rarely got to sleep in his own bed when the five of them stayed at the hotel, so it must have been a rare treat for him.

Danny stood up and stretched his arms above his head. His shirt lifted a little to expose a bit of midriff, and Jordon normally would have made a sexual comment about it, but he was too excited about Christmas to care all that much.

He burst into the bathroom, where Dylan was busy brushing his hair. He was lucky Dylan hadn’t been in the middle of a shower or anything, because then he would have gotten an eyeful of ass-naked Mexican stoner. Not that he would have minded that view, of course.

“It’s Christmas, Dylan!” Jordon shouted, despite the fact that Dylan was a mere half a metre away and would be able to hear Jordon even if he whispered.

Dylan set down his hairbrush and flipped his hair dramatically so his brown curls fell perfectly on his shoulders. He had changed out of his normal poncho and sweatpants and instead opted for festive Christmas pyjamas that he brought along specifically for this day. He was definitely feeling the Christmas vibe, but he was still frustrated over last night. Danny could obviously see ghosts when he was drunk, but he was denying it because he thought it was ridiculous! Danny was the one being ridiculous here. He just didn’t want to accept the fact that he had amazing powers of ghost perception!

However, Dylan pushed those irritated thoughts out of his mind. It was Christmas, and that was no time to get into an argument with anyone over seeing ghosts.

Jordon dashed out of the bathroom and Dylan followed. Danny had gathered up all of his gifts into one of his duffel bags. One particularly large box sat next to him, which he was currently in the process of wrapping. The two lunatics knew exactly why he couldn’t wrap it until Christmas Day. He hadn’t even gotten the present into the box until a few seconds ago. 

“Need help, Danny boy?” Dylan asked. 

Danny shook his head. “Nope. You guys can go ahead to George and Jorel’s room. I’ll be right with you.”

Jordon and Dylan eagerly gathered up their own presents and rushed out the door, leaving Danny to finish with Jorel’s gift. Since Jordon’s hands were full, he kicked the door instead of knocking on it. 

The door opened to reveal a tired George. His otherwise grumpy expression was lightened by the bright red Santa hat perched on his head. 

He didn’t speak as he stepped aside to let the pair inside. The room was a total mess, which Danny would no doubt scold them for if he hadn’t already. Jorel sat next to a blanket fort on the floor, shoveling pieces of pizza into his mouth. He waved at the others as they approached. 

Dylan and Jordon flopped down on the nearest bed while George sat next to Jorel. “Where’s Danny?” George asked. 

Dylan and Jordon exchanged a knowing smile. “Just finishing up with one of the presents,” Dylan said. 

George raised an eyebrow skeptically, assuming that the two idiots were planning something stupid. He shook his head and decided not to dwell on it. 

Jorel held up a mostly empty pizza box. “Pizza?” he offered through a mouthful of food. 

Jordon and Dylan each grabbed a piece and scarfed them down. A moment later, someone knocked on the door and George went to answer it. 

Danny entered the room, hauling his duffel bag with him. The large present for Jorel sat on the top of it. A few holes had been carefully cut through the wrapping and into the box. He saw the messiness of the room and sighed, disappointed that Jorel and George hadn’t cleaned up their disaster. However, since it was Christmas, he ignored it and sat down on the floor across from Jorel. Presents poked out from beneath the blankets of the fort, so he assumed that was their makeshift Christmas tree. 

George lowered himself down next to Danny. “So, who’s starting?”

“ME!” Jordon practically shrieked.

He lunged off the bed and immediately began distributing his gifts by tossing them. Jorel ducked as a box came flying straight for his head and disappeared in the folds of the blanket fort. Despite his sleepiness, George manage to catch his gift in one hand. A small box landed in Danny’s hands, and a larger package fell into Dylan’s lap. 

Jordon sat back down on the bed with a smile, kicking his legs back and forth in excitement. “Open them!”

Dylan tore into his first. As soon as he saw what was inside, he gasped. “Homie...” 

From the wrapping, he pulled out a green poncho. The words “Feliz Navidad” were written on the front in red, right below a woven picture of a stocking. “You found this in a Wal-Mart?” Dylan breathed. He stared at the poncho as if it was a gift from God himself. 

Jordon grabbed Dylan’s arm and gently shook it. “Do you like it?” he asked, an eager grin on his face. 

It could have been Danny’s imagination, but he could have sworn he saw tears in Dylan’s eyes. Dylan turned to Jordon. “I love it, Jordy.” He wrapped his fellow maniac in a tight embrace, who gladly returned it with enthusiasm. 

Jorel ripped through the wrapping on his gift. His eyes widened when he saw what was inside. “Holy shit!” He tossed the wrapping to the side and held up the headphones Jordon had bought from the haunted Wal-Mart. “You got me headphones?”

Jordon gently pulled away from his hug with Dylan. “Yeah. Now you can stop using those shitty earbuds.”

Jorel gaped at the box. He opened it as carefully as he could and slid the headphones out of their packaging. “Dude, these are the best headphones I’ve ever seen!”

Danny craned his neck to see the unwrapped headphones. They really did look nice. They were metallic, red, and the cord was made of mesh. Jorel probably wouldn’t let those out of his sight for the next few weeks. 

Jorel stood up and tackled Jordon in a hug. The two fell back on the bed as Jorel squeezed Jordon with all the gratitude he possessed. “Thank you!”

George ignored the rare display of affection from Jorel and unwrapped his own gift from Jordon. “Oh cool, a book.” He squinted at the cover. “Haven’t read one about dragons yet. Thanks, Jord.”

Dylan was already pulling his new poncho on over his pyjamas. “Y’know, in another reality, we’re all heroes and we have dragons and we gotta go on an adventure to save the world.”

“Yeah, I know,” George said as he opened the book and began to read the cover jacket.

Danny tore through the paper on his own gift to reveal a tiny white jewelry box. He lifted the lid to see two pairs of golden earrings. Two small hoops sat inside, right above a pair of shiny gold crosses.

“Do you like them?” Jordon asked eagerly, still tangled in Jorel’s arms. “I didn’t really know what to get you, and I was sort of on a time crunch because I was being chased by security, and I kinda remembered that you wear earrings now so I tried to find ones you would like before I got caught—”

“They’re perfect, Jordon,” Danny reassured him with a smile. “Thank you.” He took one of the hoops out of the box and stuck it in his left earlobe. He hadn’t expected any jewelry as a gift, but he was definitely pleased with it.

“Who’s next?” Jordon asked.

Dylan raised his hand. “I got it!” He gathered up all of his boxes in his arms. Each one was about the same size, so he had to examine the names on the boxes before he handed them out. He was very careful with them, as if something breakable was inside each one. Once each gift was in the hands of their respective owners, he sat back with an excited smile.

All of them tore into their presents at once. They were met with small cardboard boxes, and they all carefully opened the boxes to see what was inside.

Danny reached into the box and pulled out a ceramic coffee mug. He smiled when he read the words that Dylan had painted on the side.

George held up his own mug, which read “don’t talk to me until this is empty”. A dozen little butterflies had been painted around the rest of the mug. “Thanks, Dilly,” George said. Despite how tired he was, a smile made its way onto his lips.

Jorel examined his mug. “Mine just says ‘I will murder you’.” He looked up at Dylan. “Is that a threat from you, or...?”

Dylan shook his head. “Nah, homie. That’s just how you feel every morning, so I figured I’d put it on a mug.”

Jordon gasped as he read over his mug. “Bro...” He held it up to the others so they could see. “BRO #1” was painted on the ceramic, along with a dozen intricate little doodles. “I thought I was bro number two,” he whispered.

Dylan put his hand on Jordon’s shoulder and looked him dead in the eye. “Bro, you’re always number one in my eyes.”

Jordon’s eyes shone with tears. “Bro...”

Jorel leaned towards Danny. “Yo, what does your say?”

Danny held up his mug. Painted on one side were the words “World’s Greatest Mom”.

George snorted. “He’s not wrong.”

Danny gently placed the mug back in the box. “Thanks, Dyl.”

George gently nudged Danny with his elbow. “You wanna go next?”

Danny hesitated. He really wanted to save his presents for last.

Luckily, Jorel volunteered next before Danny could say anything. “I’ll go next,” he said. He looked a little hesitant, but he slid off the bed and reached under the blanket fort. He took out five small packages and quickly handed them out. “They’re not really much, but... y’know, I tried.”

Danny tore through the wrapping paper to reveal a cassette tape. The words “Golden Boy” were written on the side in sharpie.

“Did you make us mixtapes?” George asked, staring at the cassette tape in his own hands.

Jorel hunched his shoulders. “I know it’s not much, but I just didn’t know what else to get you guys. I just took a bunch of songs that reminded me of you guys and put them on tapes, and I made a couple remixes and put them on there too, even though they’re not really good. You can really only play them in the car or at home, and now it’s kind of occurring to me that I probably could have just made Spotify playlists instead so you can listen to it anywhere, but I didn’t really think of that earlier and now it’s sort of too late to—”

“Jorel,” Danny interrupted before Jorel could really start beating himself up over his gifts. “This is amazing. Thank you. You put a lot of thought into these, and we really appreciate it.”

George pulled Jorel into a quick side hug. “Thanks, bro.”

Dylan stared at his mixtape with what appeared to be almost childlike wonder. “Thanks, esé.”

Jordon slipped off the couch to wrap Jorel in another hug. Jorel sighed, but he smiled and hugged him back.

Danny shot George a glance. “Maybe you should go next.”

George shrugged. “Aight.” He reached back and grabbed a cluster of gifts from under the blanket fort. He glanced at the names on each one before tossing them to the others.

They all ripped into the gifts at once. From Danny’s wrapping paper emerged a red and green seater and a box of chocolates. Danny unfolded the sweater and snorted when he saw a picture of Santa snorting a line of coke on the front.

Dylan smiled and turned his sweater around to show the others the picture of a reindeer smoking a blunt printed on the sweater. “Dude, this is the best fucking sweater I’ve ever seen.”

Jorel opened his box of chocolates. “Ooh, dark chocolate. Thanks, Georgie.”

George shrugged. “It ain’t Christmas without chocolate and ugly ass sweaters.”

Danny pulled his sweater on over top of his shirt. “Thanks, man.”

Jordon grinned and poked Danny on the arm. “Your turn.”

Danny pulled his duffel bag closer and took out each of the presents. He didn’t hand out Jorel’s and instead just kept it on the floor. “Jay’s opening his last.”

Jorel’s shoulders slumped. “Aww, come on, dude.”

Danny shook his head. “Nope. Yours is extra special, so you have to wait.”

Jordon and Dylan opened theirs at the same time. Their mouths fell open when they saw what they’d gotten. “No way, dude!” Jordon said. He and Dylan held up their matching sets of Christmas pyjamas, beaming with identical grins.

“Thanks Danny!” Dylan said.

George furrowed his brow at the glasses case that had been inside his wrapping paper. He opened it and his eyes widened a little. “Dude.” He took out a pair of extremely expensive sunglasses. “Prada glasses?” He put them on. “Fuck, bro. Thanks, Danny. You really didn’t have to get these.”

Danny shrugged. “I had some extra cash.”

Jorel made grabby hands at the box next to Danny. “Can I have mine now please?”

Danny took a deep breath. He hoped Jorel would like this present. He couldn’t exactly return it.

He pushed the box across the floor. Jorel took it and pulled it towards him. Danny hadn’t wrapped the entire box in paper in one go. He wrapped the lid separately and placed it on after, securing it with a ribbon so it would be easy to open. Jorel tugged on the bow and it fell around the box in a pile. He carefully took the lid and lifted it, and all of the breath seemed to leave his lungs as soon as he spotted what was inside.

George leaned over to see what Jorel had gotten. “What is it?”

Jordon and Dylan bounced up and down in their seats at Jorel’s shocked expression. It had taken all of their willpower not to tell Jorel the second they entered the room, and they had been as excited about the gift as Danny had been apprehensive. They were certain that Jorel would love it.

Jorel reached into the box, and, with as much caution and gentleness as he could muster, lifted a cat into his lap.

Danny bit his lip and stared at Jorel as he gaped at his new feline companion. Jorel had been silent for a solid ten seconds now, and Danny was starting to think that maybe Jorel didn’t like it.

“Oh my god,” Jorel whispered. He looked up at Danny, his eyes wet with tears. “Are you serious? This isn’t a joke or anything?”

Danny shook his head. “Not a joke.”

Jorel turned his gaze back to the cat. It blinked at him, then then tilted its head backwards to examine the rest of the guys, then turned back to Jorel. It meowed softly and pawed at Jorel’s shirt.

A couple tears spilled over Jorel’s cheeks, but he payed them no mind. He lifted the cat into his arms and hugged it to his chest. Despite having only just met him, the cat rested its head on his shoulder and purred as if Jorel had been its owner for years.

Jorel’s teary gaze met Danny’s eyes. “Thank you so much,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

Danny let out a relieved sigh. “I bought him a crate too, just in case that might make him easier to travel with. I got a bunch of cat food at home. I just bought him some Friskies for last night and this morning. He hasn’t eaten yet, so you can go into our room and feed him if you want.”

Jorel seemed like he hadn’t even heard Danny. He just stared into his cat’s eyes as if they held the secrets of the universe. “I’m naming him Tiger,” he whispered.

George nodded. “Cool.” He picked up the box that Tiger had been in. “Everyone put your wrapping paper in here so we can throw it out.”

The drive home was quiet.

After unwrapping their gifts, the five of them stayed in Las Vegas for the rest of the day. Jorel fed his new cat, and he carried Tiger everywhere they went in the hotel. He wasn’t allowed to bring Tiger into the pool, so he sat on one of the lounge chairs while the others swam.

Just after supper, before the sun went down, the five of them packed up their things and loaded everything into the car. Jordon and Dylan changed into their matching pyjamas as soon as they could, but Dylan kept his new Christmas poncho on over top of it. Jorel and Danny wore their new Christmas sweaters from George, and George refused to take off his new sunglasses.

They piled into the car, and instead of blaring Johnny Cash, they took turns listening to the mixtapes Jorel had made them. They started with George’s since he was the driver. A lot of Slipknot and classic rock blasted from the speakers, and there were even a couple Insane Clown Posse songs thrown into the mix. Listening to rock music seemed to quench George’s usual road rage, because he was a lot calmer than he had been on the drive there.

Thankfully, Jordon wasn’t too affected by the change in music. He was too excited about the gifts he got to really cause any chaos. He and Dylan admired their new matching pyjamas, laughed at the pictures on George’s sweaters, and talked about what kind of music Jorel might have put on their mixtapes. They also endlessly thanked each other for the presents they had given each other while they ate the chocolate from George.

Every few minutes, Danny would glance back at the seat behind him to see how Jorel was doing. He had plugged his new headphones into his phone and was listening to his own music. He had opted out of using the crate for Tiger, since he was convinced that Tiger wouldn’t misbehave during the car ride.

He had been right. The feline was curled up in Jorel’s lap, purring softly as Jorel ran a hand through his fur. Sometimes Danny would catch him holding Tiger to his chest and speaking to him in that baby voice that everyone used when talking to pets. A constant smile seemed to have fixed itself to Jorel’s face, and every time it began to fade, He would look down at Tiger and his happiness would be renewed. Danny never thought he would see Jorel so excited.

Over halfway through the trip, when the sun had completely lowered itself below the horizon and Danny had gotten halfway through his box of chocolates, the entire car was silent aside from Danny’s “Golden Boy’ mixtape playing quietly through the speakers. Jorel had moved to the front seat and Danny took the middle seat in the back. Dylan had fallen asleep leaning against Danny, whose head rested on Dylan’s shoulder. He had fallen asleep as well, wrapped up in the warm Christmas sweater George had bought him. Jordon wasn’t asleep, but he’d be damned if he didn’t take part in this cuddling. He snuggled up close to Danny and refused to make a noise. The one golden rule of the group was to not wake Danny when he was having a nap, and they all followed that rule as if doing otherwise would kill them.

Jorel scratched Tiger under the chin and stared out at the dark highway. “Hey, George?” he said sleepily.

George glanced at Jorel out of the corner of his eye. “Yeah?”

“Did you know Danny was gonna get me a cat?”

George shrugged. “We talked about it. I didn’t think he actually would, but I guess I was wrong.”

“I wonder where Danny got him?” Jorel mumbled.

Jordon poked his head into the front seat. “We got him in a Wal-Mart,” he whispered.

George furrowed his brow. “Wal-Mart sells cats?”

Jordon shook his head. “Nope.”

George and Jorel both exchanged a confused glance. George shook his head and sighed. “Whatever.”

Jordon retreated into the back again and cuddled up to Danny. In his sleep, Danny wrapped an arm around Jordon and pulled him closer. Danny leaned on Jordon’s shoulder, and Dylan grunted in displeasure when Danny left his side. He snuggled up to Danny, his eyes half open, and immediately fell asleep once he was comfortable again.

George briefly turned his head to look at the three of them. It was rare that a vehicle would be so quiet with all five of them present.

He turned back around to look at Jorel, but he was leaning against the back of his seat with his eyes closed. Tiger purred in his lap as Jorel drifted off to sleep.

George fixed his eyes on the road once again. “Merry Christmas, guys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's the end of that! i already have more ideas for fics in this AU, but i've been so swamped with work that they probably won't get written for a while. my main focus is going to be on Legends until i can find time to write other things. anyway, i hope y'all had a Hollywood Christmas and an Undead New Year!!


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